Monday, June 16, 2008

女人的理想

像我們這種自以為很聰明,又從小看亦舒長大的女生,一個根深蒂固的觀念是,女人的理想,是財政獨立、事業有成、愛情美滿。
家庭?小孩?那不是上一代女人才追求的嗎?

也許開始長大,這個觀念開始動搖。
益發覺得,只要找到一個顧家體貼的男人,組織一個溫暖的家庭,那麼一個女人的生活,再差也差不到哪裏去。
事業不是我們想像中那麼重要。

做一個成功的女人當然好,可是高薪厚祿並不保證快樂。身邊有太多很成功但很不快樂的女性朋友,常常概嘆做得這麼辛苦到底為了什麼,回到家裏連個說話的人都沒有。
但擁有了一個美滿家庭,卻幾乎沒有不快樂的女人。

在我眼中,Sherry是個幸福快樂的女人。
她和丈夫中學就認識,愛情長跑幾乎十年才共諧連理,她沒有在職場上打滾的拼勁,但一心一意做一個體貼的師奶。丈夫很疼她,事事以她為先,生活細節全依賴她。

在我很失意時她曾鼓勵過我,我一直銘記於心。
那天我們三人(還有Maren)在清風街的cafe下午茶,一見如故,相逢恨晚。
事後我與Maren一道去看電影,Sherry回教會去,臨分手前我向Sherry打趣道,你別看我倆好似很精明,其實只是虛有其表。

那天下午,我和Maren從一個戲院走到另一個戲院,在熙來攘往的街頭穿穿插插,但想看的戲不是已經全院滿座,就是時間不對。
當然也有別的選擇,可是我們不肯settle。
結果我們空手而回。
在那個時候,我想Sherry已經回到家中,向丈夫細細訴說下午發生的一切。

Sherry,你說我們成就了你的理想
其實,你才是我們心中的理想。
:)

延伸閱讀:
袁彌明:女人的最大成就

33 comments:

said...

何不,活在當下﹖

Martin Oei said...

怎說好呢?

要找個溫柔顧家的男人,並非想像中容易。因為這代人,價值觀已經改變。男的沒有那種以家庭為忠旨的使命感,女的,亦不一定可以長期接受「平淡」的生活。

剛過去的父親節,我幫家人裝高清解碼盒,對我這種本身IT底子及格的人,當然是三扒兩撥的功夫。我告訴給常與我進行政治不正確對話的那位朋友,她說:「現在還有你這種孝子?」

現在有多少人,會為看《黃昏清兵衛》而感動?我只能慨嘆,人心不古。

michelle said...

leona: 你寫"我和Maren從一個戲院走到另一個戲院,在熙來攘往的街頭穿穿插插,但想看的戲不是已經全院滿座,就是時間不對... 結果我們空手而回。" 是戲院都滿座了?還是壓根兒沒有看戲的意思?又或者,找不對了戲院? 或者只是當下的戲不合口味 :? 管他囉,改天有閒才看吧,有時候,隨便挑一套,反而有意外的驚喜; 又有時候,街口不着眼的戲院竟會放出討自己歡心的好戲...

你們一篇來一篇往,真實的情感,比任何小說都要好看了。亦舒再迷心的故事,也不過是小說而已 ;)

** 飛雪素素 ** said...

這編很sweet 很溫情feel~

sherry said...

leona, 我覺得我倆開始有點「隔離飯香」的心態,永遠在羨慕別人的生活。雖然我已放棄為事業打拼,但你還有很多機會找到愛你的丈夫和幸福的家庭!在我眼中你是極好的女孩子,朝著你心中的理想出發吧!

maren said...

leona, sherry,
真的, "師奶"在今個世代已成了幸福的代名詞-- 我們曾經嫌棄過這個詞按扁了女性尊嚴啊...

今個禮拜的節目有了題材, 嘿!

南杏 said...

個人覺得師奶沒甚麼不妥,出處本來就是中性甚至略帶尊重的敬語,不過變著變著變成罵人話了。

如果以RPG來比喻,師奶一定是女性職級裡揀Skill Tree 升Level 到其中一個最高級的種類。我懷疑,沒有師奶,家庭很難成一個和諧的定形。師奶把生活智慧發揮到極致,該省便省,犧牲自己,反而把最好留給丈夫和孩子(或者只是孩子),是十分強大可敬的。XD

穿39號鞋的大頭妹 said...

對你這篇感受很深,也碰過類似情況的舊同學或朋友,大家在寒暄時都不免互相羡慕著對方的生活。其實哩,我敢說我比你們事業型女生更糟,既沒有事業成就,也未能成為幸福師奶,簡直兩頭不到岸,要慨歎的話,幾時論到你呢?

曾經,也聽過人說婚姻就像一個城牆,在城牆外與城牆內的人總是對城牆另一方的生活充滿好奇,也羡慕不已...但,要是有一天把他們的身份互換轉了,人們才發現原來的生活才是自己追求的。

其實,很多事情的發展,都是性格使然啊。

所以,只能如你說的,以能平常心面對之。

祝好

VC said...

快快退而結網,還有望如亦舒般有夫有子女的。

德州卡門 said...

其實呢,我同意樓上大頭妹的說法--一切都是性格使然.

又或者換個講法,係時晨未到0者!我在29歲之前,一直沒有認真的男友(不是我不認真,也不是他們不認真,只是大家約會幾次後便發覺合不來).本來已立心從此做個單身快活人,怎料29歲半那年,給我遇上這個他,年半後跟他結婚.現在身處異地,做個半職師奶,半職事業女性.

有時候也想,不如做全職師奶吧!但又捨不得放下事業上帶來的點點虛榮與滿足.阿媽話齋,針無兩頭利嘛!

Anonymous said...

Leona,

請回想我跟妳們(Erica,Florence及妳)說過的村長故事~~~~~~:P

Daniel.

bratrice said...

我想,亦舒所說的「經濟獨立」,目的是讓雙方都可以愛得沒有負擔。

因為自己有獨立的能力,才可以愛誰就愛誰 - 溫柔顧家會養埋自己的可以,即使吊兒郎當要我貼的都可以。(這句說話的語氣好像有點政治不正確喔)

結婚生子固然安穩幸福,喜歡的話放棄事業去追求也不是什麼奇怪的事。不過,一旦,如果,或許,有變化的話,可以從容離場,不必像上一代再上一代的師奶一樣,要喊打喊殺,就已經是不一樣的師奶。

(我會這樣說大概因為還未經歷過,而中亦舒毒仍深。亦舒本人也結過3次婚)

lasallejai said...

Leona,

I am not sure if females have to choose between the two, but not both?? Nowadays, it is indeed a luxury for the hubby to be the sole bread winner when the wife stays home to be with the child(ren). I cannot speak for my wife, but I do not believe she is less happy as she goes back to work after 5 years of being absent from the work force. We got by with only my income even with an addition to our family(our son) 3 years ago, but it just does not make sense for my beloved to stay home doing nothing while my son attends school full day now. Moreover, saving up for children's education and financial well being is not something all married couples can do with single income. I truly believe a female can be a professional working gender at the office, and at the same time a wonderful loving mother and wife at home. I see my wife like that, at least, as she has begun working again just last month doing what she had done for 9 years in Hong Kong before she married me in 2003 in Toronto. I really do not understand why females have to give up their careers for being married with children, seriously. In the beginning years most probable, but it does not have to be for life. My wife has got her MBA, and she is definitely a professional working woman, but she also has her family, me and our son. So, why can you not attain both as well???? Perhaps I am missing something here and there so enlight me if I am not thinking straight. Nevertheless, you do have to trust me that you can be happily married and still work on your career.

小星 said...

理想...真是因時因人因地而異。

Leona said...

明:
人總是得一想二啊

世澤:
證明她已對你另眼相看
:p

Michelle:
謝謝你
我也很珍惜和Maren與Sherry的相知相遇

至於電影...熱門的總是很快爆滿吧
但放心,我挑電影的品味奇佳,總是找到叫好不叫座的,嘻嘻

飛雪素素:
咦,好久不見了
謝謝你喜歡這篇(我也很喜歡)

Sherry:
不是隔離飯香呢,是衷心替你高興
難道這篇小文沒有感動你嗎?
:)

Maren:
你何其聰明!才三言兩語你就想好了下周的節目主題?
喂,你該怎樣謝我和Sherry呢?
起碼在節目中提及我們十次八次

南杏:
衰仔,呢D野記得要向媽咪重覆講多幾次

大頭妹:
城牆內外的比喻,真的很貼切
其實呢,我現在的生活還好,但女人終究要安頓下來

VC:
哪有人像你這樣,時時提醒人家仍嫁杏無期架!

德州卡門:
呢呢呢,我正等待這樣一個奇蹟的發生
:)

daniel:
好的

小星:
好,這句真是一語中的

Bractice/Lasallejai:
沒有家庭/事業二選其一的意思,關鍵是priority--就像Lasallejai你太太一樣,也要先把孩子家庭照顧好了,再重投職場

一直認為擁有美滿家庭的女人好福氣,要兩者兼得,畢竟太累了
(是,越來越懶)

Perennial_Loser said...

喇沙師兄,呢次抬下槓先...staying at home = doing nothing? 唔係啩...

如果 staying at home 只係打下麻雀上下網睇市,食罐頭叫外賣,其他嘢叫個 Maria 搞掂,咁就當然無話可說;但小弟睇住家母做家務廿幾三十年,可以好老實講:認真咁處理家務,絕對比得上返工一樣咁痛苦。

今時今日,我係認同二揀一 - 返咗半日工,仲想話買餸煮飯?我上一份工收六點,仲要行個半字就有地鐵搭返屋企,兩個字車程,返到屋企最快都六點半左右,街市已經收皮;其他洗衫掃地之類,都係一樣:9-6 準時收工,都一樣唔會有幾多時間做 - 除非兩公婆攤分 and/or 日常工作唔會帶返屋企。

Double income,冇問題;不過唔好祈望兼顧到家庭 - 即使細路讀全日制,都唔代表甩難。靠補習社、興趣班、Maria 補位嘅,叫做「頂住/搞掂」則可,但當係「做好」就似乎有啲取巧喇。

有啲嘢,係冇咗就係冇咗;冇咗都冇所謂係一回事,但冇所謂唔等於 it's perfect and well...家庭與事業,我見如是。

Perennial_Loser said...

之前個 post 好似講得太死...補底先:

要「兼顧」家庭同事業,近年有少部分人算係做到 - 靠嘅係 home office。有個 lecturer 同我提過,話有老前輩翻譯師姐,響出面做得有咁上下日子,有人脈有斤兩,生仔後就索性響屋企「炒散」,個個月搵兩三萬銀。

但要做到呢個地步,未必好多人得。世澤兄算係「自由業」,佢應該好明白...

又:其實我冇偏向家庭定事業行先...不過以現今社會實況計,double income 幾大搵夠錢先係好難避免,男男女女婚後搞「無飯家庭」,再加 Maria / 23174567 搞掂其他家務亦好正路。只不過去到呢個地步,我個人認為已經唔可以用「兼顧」去形容喇...
:P

lasallejai said...

Perennial_Loser:

Thanks for your sharing and comments, and even though I can certainly understand how you feel, but the fact is that if my wife stayed home she would be really bored to death. I think you misunderstood what I said---doing nothing at home did not infer a useless being(her) at home. The underlying meaning of my words meant to say there was really nothing for her to do at home daily from 7:45am to 5pm while we are out for my wife to make herself feel worthy. She had stayed home for 5 years and she has known better about being a full time mother(housewife or we call it homemaker here in North America). We live in a full service condominium so there is nothing outside out suite that she has to attend to. Inside our home, dusting and vacumn cleaning are done at most twice a month since we never open the windows due to central air/heat conditioned climate control environment. By the way, I do the vacumn cleaning any way even in the past when she stayed home full time. We do grocery shopping once a week on Friday night so for sure she would not have to go to the supermarket daily. I drive our son to and back from his school as I have to go to work any way so she would not have to drive him. Laundry wise, I do hers and mine together weekly and she is responsible for our son's, and that is also needed only once a week at most. Beside cooking dinner for us and lunch for herself I really cannot think of anything else she can do, or has to do, at home. It is indeed more a WANT on her part than a NEED on our part for her to return to the work place.

Perennial_Loser said...

師兄:

Get your point...in your wife's case, it's really different. As she finds it necessary to work due to boredom, there's nothing to stop her from doing so. That's even more powerful a driving force than financial needs...

And good to hear that you take up a share of the housework as well...and living in a serviced apartment helps a lot. It's just very different here back in HK and more likely than not DI families have much more left to be done~

Sherry said...

leona, 我當然感動啦!感動是你看完我文章後,留了言又再寫一篇更長的回應,還要是在夜深時寫的!更重要的是你把我的幸福都寫出來了!

lasallejai said...

Perennial_Loser:


I do not mean to steal the thunders of this post, but are you a fellow Lasallian---Boy of Courage, Boy of Daring?????

Perennial_Loser said...

lasallejai:

Yep - but a very atypical one. With little courage and not daring at all...

If you know me, you might scream in agony, "Gosh, since when LSC produces such lousy and shabby retards?"
:P

lasallejai said...

Perennial_Loser Dee Dai:


Again, please excuse me for my thread crapping.

I doubt what you said is the truth, because only those who think they are really something would brag boldly in front of others. Those who humble and slander themselves in public are actually the elite and able ones.

"Atypical" can imply a lot of things. You can be uncommonly bright, and you can be unusually extraordinary amongst the La Salle community.

Not all attend LSC come out cream of the crop in society any way. La Salle boys are just regular, ordinary average citizens in general, but of course I do believe that majority of us who go through LSPS and LSC would come out more advantageous in life and the working world.

"There are famous schools in plenty, With their heros by the score, And they flourish high and mighty, But La Salle ...".

By the way, how do you know I am a See Hing and not a See Dei?

Since your web nickname does not direct to any site of yours I wonder if you have a blog or www I can browse and visit??? Thanks! Until then, I remain


Yours in de La Salle,

Alexander

Perennial_Loser said...

Hi Alex,

As Churchill said, even someone as accomplishd and respected like Attlee had "a lot to be humble about"...so definitely I have MUCH MORE to be humble about. After all I'm just a temporarily jobless little translator doing texts that no one reads...haha~

Never managed to get my groove in my LSC days, and failed to get along with the care-free and fun-loving atmosphere back then (a real pity - only got the caree-free part, but didn't appreciate the "fun" stuff). Worse still, if you see me in person you would find a rude, awkward, bawling drug-addict-like thug - definitely not the typical LaSallian! I suppose many who see me would think, "This thug comes from LSC? Are you kidding?"

Still I remember those days in fondness now...in every sense, our alma mater has always been accomodating with different people. I suppose that's why it's "something more".
:P

Having read through your information given in the previous posts, I'm pretty sure that you're over 30 - older than I'm. So more likely than not you're 師兄 rather than 同年 or 師弟~

You can find my Xanga here:
http://www.xanga.com/Perennial_Loser

Actually Leona's blog has a link - on the left-hand side of the blog. You may check it out (though I rarely update it and the content is...well, you know.)

Cheers,
Toby

lasallejai said...

Hey Toby,

Sorry! Leona and fellow bloggers, I promise this is my last long winded personal scribble.

Thanks! Your message is too deep for me to digest somehow. I need more time to ponder. I suppose you do translation from English to Chinese, right???

I so realize Lasallians do come from all walks of life, and we do possess a broad array of vastly different personalities amongst us; therfore, I have a very open mind for all types of utterly uncommon personalities and personal characteristics. I really doubt you would be able to astonish me if one day we met, trust me! : )

I guess you went to HKU for your post secondary education, am I correct??? I am sure you will be be full time employed once again soon. Hang in there, and keep at it.

Fairly good deduction thinking on your part, Bravo! However, I hang around a bunch of '97 jai, and I believe you should be from their era. One of my best friends is from the Class of 97, and he has left Toronto to further his endeavours in China. We talked on Skype just this morning for about an hour. Actually we chat on MSN or Skype all the time, like 3 times a week. I keep very close touch to a lot of La Salle boys around the world, still, through the help of our OBA.

I have subscribed to your blog so I shall correspond with you over there from now on. Leona won't be too happy about our conversations being held in her cyber territories any way.

"...And no matter where we go, High aloft Her flag we will hold, And strive that Her flame may grow.".

Yours in the Bond,


Alexander

Leona said...

Alex & Toby:
不介意。
:)
兩位通曉雙語的能力,為喇沙做了最佳宣傳,我想我的女讀者數目已經激增。
又,兩位在敝博相認,點多謝我呢吓?

lasallejai said...

Leona:


Thanks! Toby is the actual scholar from La Salle here, and not me. From reading his posts at his blog site I can tell Toby is extremely strong in both written Chinese and English(which explains why he can do what he is doing currently, being a translator), but not this lad who is dropping a few lines here right now. Your priase should pinpoint at him. I can read and understand Chinese, but for sure I cannot write as well as you and Toby.

How funny it is that I was brought to this blog site of yours through some one else's, and through this comment section I have run into a fellow Lasallian(by enticing him enough for him to comment on my comment), who is quite witty and "interesting". Well, my token of appreciation will be a guaranteed good travel guide(or two guides including my beloved) in town if you ever come to pay a visit to Toronto. One meal is included, whether home cooked or dine out! Until then, I remain


Yours in de La Salle,


Alexander
(P.S.I do not prefer being called Alex, at all, and even teachers and principals at La Salle knew it!): )

Leona said...

Alexander哥哥:
連喇沙校長也識閣下大名,真是有怪莫怪哦。
:)

媽媽阿四 said...

(我之前的comment好像消失了。。。)

Anyways,我想了好久想回應點甚麼,有點頭痛。但聰穎而執着的女人呢,就是比較頭痛囉。 ;)

若非當初我年少無知被騙了,可能就會錯過,一直到今天,在戲院門口碰見妳倆。

Leona said...

阿四,在這個層面上要更加感激爹爹囉,要不是他一早把你騙了,戲院的人已經夠多了,若再加上你,我們更加沒指望。
:)

s tsui said...

這個嘛。。。亦舒小說裏最幸福的女人都是既有獨立經濟能力(都是化興趣為事業的),也有家庭的,只是花不長開、月不長圓,到後來多都逃不過仳離的下場。

可是,就像SATC,大家都不會把這些故事當真吧?太真、太貼身就不好看了。

從小到大,我爸媽都全職工作,幾乎每天下班都是立即趕回家吃晚飯、周末永遠是跟家人在一起。我從來沒有覺得生命裏欠缺了他們的存在。儘管他們都不算飛黃騰達,可是小康的收入也綽綽有餘。所以我從來都覺得家庭與事業是可以和平共存的(也因此沒有半點工作狂的傾向)。

我們嚮往的不是師奶的心態,只是她們已婚的身份。而找到合適的對象,只是機緣的問題,急不來的。:)

Leona said...

s tsui:
你引那篇文章好好看──香港快淪陷成一個師奶之城了,可很多人還甘之如飴。
說到「幸福女人」,其實不能忽略你。
:)

said...

不能再同意 Bractice 的留言,但也非常同意「先後次序」的說法。

畢竟都是個性的問題啊,我有很多女友人,有的姊妹是真心的愛為工作拼搏,愈拼搏愈閃閃發光愈漂亮,她們,都不視結婚為目標(還常不屑地覺得很多人結完又離,離完又結);

也有一些姊妹,是毫無大志型,或夢想型,不求賺大錢升管理層,但求有個溫暖的家,或過單身逍遙生活(例如環遊世界、不問世事之類)……

總之,甚麼人也有呢,也沒有對或錯的。