Thursday, February 05, 2009

不可思議電郵對答

向美國某份大報查詢一些事。
早料到對方店大欺客,週旋過程要經過一番折騰,但萬料不到,回應竟如此不可思議。
這是我和Z報的電郵對答摘錄。

***第一回合***

您好!
我代表香港X報評論版向閣下作出以下查詢:

〔從略〕

期待您的答覆。先行致謝。

懇切問候,
Leona Wong





親愛的Leona:
謝謝接觸Z報。

如欲向敝報發放新聞稿,請註明您心儀的版面。以下是各版面的電郵:

〔下刪二十個電郵地址〕

要是您想投寫評論文章,請接觸以下版面:

〔再刪十二個電郵地址〕

若投稿成功,我們將於一週內通知閣下。很抱歉──但若我們不刊載閣下文章的話,我們將不會接觸閣下。如您在一週內並無收到我們的消息,可假設我們無法在評論版刊載閣下的文章,亦不會發還稿件。

謝謝您對Z報的興趣。

您的,
Oneeka Lovely

***第二回合***

我估計我在第一封電郵裏表明的身份(代表X報評論版),其中「評論」二字引起對方不必要的幻想(以為我要投稿);而根據對方那親切可愛的姓氏(Lovely)與罕見漂亮的名字(Oneeka),我相信我的查詢已被Z報外判到一家相信是印度的公司處理了。

為免再造成不必要的誤會,我在第二封郵件裏單刀直入:

親愛的Lovely小姐(於此我微微牽動了一下嘴角):

謝謝回覆。
但不,我並不是投稿的。
我只是想──

〔從略〕

請您向有關方面轉述我們的要求。

懇切問候,
Leona Wong




親愛的Leona:
謝謝接觸Z報。

Z報並不會在網頁上轉載閣下的網址,除非與我們的新聞內容直接相關,或閣下與我們有業務上的協議。即使閣下的網址與我們的新聞內容相關,亦需視乎編輯決定是否轉載。詳情請參考我們的「網址轉載FAQ」頁面。

謝謝一再撰文。

您的,
Oneeka Lovely

***第三回合***

這次也是我的錯。我不該多此一舉地說什麼「請轉述我們的要求」,以致令Lovely小姐再度產生誤會(希望得到「轉載」)。
於是,在第三封郵件裏,為免寫多錯多,我不顧一切,赤裸裸地提出疑問:

親愛的Lovely小姐:

我想──

〔從略〕

懇切問候,
Leona Wong




沒有回應。
沒有回應。
沒有回應。


***

我投降了。我對全球化下服務外判的質素徹底投降。
我痛定思痛,反省千錯萬錯,錯在把電郵投往「一般查詢」(general enquiry)。
這樣糾纏下去不是辦法,只有接觸主事的人(而我並不知道那是誰),才有可能問得其所。
而根據「六度分隔」理論,我最多接觸五個中間人,就可以把他找出來。
擱下Outlook Express,我開始撥案頭電話。

請祝我好運。

(後記:這方法是成功的。)

***

後後記:

經過整整兩天後,那個原本沒有得到回應的電郵終於有答覆。
不得不承認,這個原來令人失望的回應,如今非常令人感動。
原文如下(我都懶得譯了):

We appreciate your feedback and have passed it along to the appropriate department. Please let us know if we can be of any further assistance to you.

我相信,若非upgrade了電腦程式,怕且這次是由Lovely小姐的上司出馬了。

19 comments:

魔先生 said...

回答你的大概是電腦系統,而非人類吧~

狗 said...

雖然咁講有d racist, 不過我唔認為呢為咁lovely嘅lovely小姐誤解咗你封email, 佢其實係唔識英文架! 以佢地嘅英文程度根本唔知你寫乜

oh同埋呢, 個email係咪係佢地website搵架? 其實呢我成日都唔明點解d inquiry mailbox唔係公司d人接架喎!? 我成日send呢d email嗰條友都係好似唔知間公司做咩嘅咁

南杏 said...

A curious case of Leona Wong.

sherry said...

唔怪知道對方叫 "lovely", 因為預料到會亂答一番激死查詢的人,所以先用 "lovely" 安撫你的情緒。
算了, 在沉悶的一天, lovely小姐能令你「微微牽動了一下嘴角」, 算是一點補償。

加燦 said...

Love the Lovely discussion. Put a Lovely smile on my face. Now, of course you've pin-pointed the source of your frustration, "錯在把電郵投往「一般查詢」(general enquiry)".
As you've discovered, the phone + a helpful operator is the most sophisticated comm system in the world.

I have got to directly talk to a VP radio of a national broadcaster in Canada by calling the main switchboard! Ask nicely, and the operators are usually very helpful (now, this is their job) and can put you to the right people.

Sometimes, these people have admin assistant and I've found being nice to them get me a long way too.

P.S. Another tip. When complaining, I never use email much. I call up the company or politicians' offices that are pissing me off, and then I nicely tell them exactly why I am pissed off (in a nice tone). One thing, they are spending time (thus money) to deal with me. Secondly, an email that takes an hour to compose will take exactly one second to delete. An hour long complain phone call will take them exactly one hour to handle. Think about it! :)

P.P.S. I hate to brag, but even my disagreeable better half agrees that I have a nag to complain (and negotiate). When the other side is in the wrong, I usually get the desired outcome I wished for (money, actions, etc). For commercial companies anyways.

Winson Lai said...

嘗試從另一方面看,你的電郵是寄到"General enquiry"戶口,可能是info@z-news.com或是enquiry@z-news.com等,通常這些電郵戶口每天都會收到大量(數以百/千計)垃圾電郵,你的電郵沒有被送到spam folder刪除,更有人回覆,其實都算好彩了.

有興趣的朋友可以試一試,找一份本地報章的info戶口,寄一封電郵查詢,看看結果如何.

很多時侯,用電話確實是更有效.

readandeat said...

我也認為應該撥個電話去問問更直接有效,真的。

hevangel said...

判去印度有個真人睇下算好喇﹐其實可能外判去給電腦﹐見有乜keyword就回那一個template給你。

Leona said...

魔先生與hevangel:
如果由電腦回答的話,那個程式員真要打屁股

狗:
最奇怪係佢淨係識答d唔關事既野,而當我一問到戲肉,佢就啞咗

關於第二段,答案咪就係全球化囉


南杏:
係咪笑我呀而家

Sherry:
哈哈哈,有道理
那我是否也應該改名做"lovely"?事關我經常向投稿的人say no

對,這叫苦中作樂:)

加燦:
嘩你真厲害
你應該回來香港選立會議員("I usually get the desired outcome I wished for (money, actions, etc)"),全力和政府週旋

Winson & 讀與吃:
有道理
但這次的問題是,我根本不知道應該找誰,所以繞了一個大圈
如果有了特定對象,當可事半功倍

vincicat said...

是外判給電腦XD

判給印度是不可能比軟件便宜: 外判費是遂個月給,軟件給一次就好。更何況坊間是有不少軟件專門根據信中內容去回覆或轉寄給某些人士的,軟件本身不會比Server還貴

而這些軟件無論如何人工智能也是用字詞(word)作為過濾條件的一部分,相信你的「戲肉」沒有那些常見的查詢字眼而且有一定長度,以致回應配對不斷fail所以才會delay兩天。
而最後可能是系統用萬用tamplate/丟給某個人了事XD

(不過這系統算是比較進步的系統,會去處理not和no這些negation XD)

加燦 said...

Leona,

Thank you. :)

Ha ha, while I enjoyed seeing the likes of Long Hair winning and being his usual rebel self in and out of LegCo, LegCo is really for HKers who love and want to make HK a better place to live. Plus unfortunately, LegCo has too little real power to effect key change at the moment.

By the way, my disclaimer is "For commercial companies anyways." So my complains have been usually quite ineffective with Canadian politicians. :) I could and have lectured them but they have been also very able and willing to ignore me.

Ahh, I am unlucky enough to actually have a chance to vote for or not vote for the Prime Minister of Canada (he is my Member of Parliament), but ah, he has enough "iron clad votes" to be a sure win in our riding.

小瓶子 said...

Tag U:

20 things I can think of within 5 minutes using my first name's initial.


Rules:
It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag twenty people.
Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real...nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name : Betty

2. A four Letter Word : Best

3. A boy's Name : Bryan

4. A girl's Name : Bessie

5. An occupation : Bartender

6. A color : Brown

7. Something you'll wear : Bra

8. Something you'll do : Bullshit

9. A food : Bread

10. Something found in the bathroom : Baby oil

11. A place : Berlin

12. A reason for being late : Bath

13. Something you'd shout : Better fuck off

14. A movie title : Beauty and the Beast

15. Something you drink : Bloodymary

16. A musical group : Beyond

17. An animal : Bird

18. A street name : Baker street

19. A type of car : Benz

20. The title of a song : Because I love you

駒 said...

「在家靠家人,在外靠朋友」,放諸互聯網發達的今天,原來仍然有效。

我有興趣的是,妳最後是否要經過「六道門」,才能接觸到想接觸的人﹖

Leona said...

駒,說得很對啊
用互聯網找人是個很方便的工具,但無論如何不能取代人際網絡

六道門?
嘩哈哈,我們看了同一文章

其實,若有想見的人,六道門也不能阻隔雙方

readandeat said...

其實要證實某單報道的內容,最後可能還是要找回寫的那位記者。這個比較易找,因為有名可循。要找那位記者背後那位編輯則比較難。

wanszezit said...

做咩同我最近申請iphone development account的遭遇咁鬼似 @_@

Leona said...

哈哈哈,尹先生,說不定他們都採用這家服務商。
你那位可叫"Lovely"?抑或"Happy"?
lol

Elvis said...

這真係一件奇妙的事情。

他們完全唔有檢驗過外判服務的質素。

Leona said...

Elvis,若我得閒得好緊要,或者會寫封信給這家報館反映一下
但我懷疑,這封反映意見的電郵,大概也會落入Lovely或其同鄉手中...

我昨天在你那兒留言沒成功--想說的是,關於"The day of days",我對號入座,謝謝啦
:)